The Vulnerable Truth

Why has Rodolfo gone Silent....Indefinitely!

2010-07-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

Did a bee sting my tongue? Was I shouting recklessly at an all night concert? Have I chosen a monastic path, and will be secluded in the high mountain caves?

No...well the bee thing could happen, but I'd just have a lisp, not go silent. Actually the reasons for my silence aren't quite clear to even me. I just know that even before I came to Bali, it was on my mind. And for almost 5 months now (living and loving Bali) the thought has come up, tickled the forefront of my consciousness and beckoned me to begin.

And so, today on July 29th, 2010, I am going silent for an indefinite period of time. During this time, my monkey mannerisms will most likely be heightened - in other words I will communicate via gestures, written word, online chat, etc. It's important to note that my going into silence is not a move into isolation, but rather is a move toward greater presence while communicating.

There will be one exception to my silence. When I am teaching workshops/classes will be the only time that I speak out loud. So, if you miss my voice, feel free to come join a class.

I invite you all to share your thoughts, comments, and experiences of silence with me. Just comment below. Maybe give a guess as to what benefits will come from my silence (inner peace, quiet environment, better listening, psychic powers beyond this world)

A silent bow to all of you, as I embark on this journey inward.

Namaste (thank you),

Rodolfo - Authenticity Muse & Holistic Escort

www.totalauthenticity.com

Discovery of Love

2010-06-09T06:32:00.000-07:00

He said,”it was like feeling a dark cloud had suddenly come over the skies.”

My friend was right, for when my heart closed it was not just my love I stopped sharing, it was also the ability to feel love and that felt like a shadow looming over us. We can create amazing beauty or we can create devastating destruction – and it has everything to do with how open our heart is to recognize love; not receive it, not give it, but to simply recognize it within ourselves and within others.

It began to rain today. And I know my heart is not fully open. And yet, I feel confident it is opening deeper than it has before. I discovered something about myself recently, something hidden so deep it could not be found by thought or meditation, but rather it took the deep angst of heartache to bring to the surface.

Manuela and I, after more than a year of deep growth and connection, have separated. And although the break up is not a mutual consent (I asked for it), we are agreed upon the intention –it is for the discovery of love.

I saw her a day after we parted at a gathering of mutual friends, and I sat with her to tell her I was scared. That I was scared because I realized that she was supported, and so was I, but for some reason I was choosing to deny that support. I was choosing to punish myself for not having “loved” her as I felt I should have. And all the while, she just kept offering her love, she just wanted to hold me, and I kept denying it...and what scared me was the realization that I believed I was not deserving of that Love. In some dark place within, I didn’t believe I deserved to be loved.

When you decide to drop the blame and judgments, and really look at what is being triggered within, you find deep hidden secrets that you’ve been telling yourself. Places of shadow where you have not dared to look, because you have assumed they are unfixable, unhealthy, un-lovable.

And when I brought light into that place of darkness, I began to see things. I began to realize my fears were ungrounded and imaginary. I began to embrace that I am not worth loving, nor am I worth loving, but rather I am LOVE. I came to see, that beneath the facade with which we interact in public, and beneath the cloud of doubts, fears, and mistrust, there is an essence – formless, unconditioned, and complete – and here in the Beginners Heart, I am Love.
When I looked back to Manuela, into her eyes, I saw that same place in her; one of endless beauty, power, and absolute acceptance. I saw the Love within her. And I realized I could not give her love, she could not give me love, but rather we could be the love within ourselves and from that place we could touch and hold each other deeply.

...This lasted for 2 days.

There is a mold within many relationships that we often do not see. The spores are small but spread quickly, and they are called attachment. The mold is composed of fears, doubts, and mistrust...it is the cloud that covers our true heart and true connection.

And like rebellious children who take antibiotics only until the symptoms have ceased, and not for the duration of the prescription – Manuela and I had stayed apart only for the time until we felt the fears and emotions had been cleared. But the prescription offered to us was for longer, and so when we believed the mold was clear, the attachments gone, it was just too small to see. And within two days, it grew back with vengeance, and what was an idyllic love turned quickly again to triggers, blames, and disappointments.

Manuela and I are now separate again, and letting go more and more. And it is raining. I know I am not fully in the place of my deepest heart yet, where I feel Love. The rain clouds are a sign of this and the intention remains to discover Love, the love within.

I will admit, the path is not well lit, and each footstep requires trust. I see my intention, this Vision of Love, as a lantern though. And I know that I am on the right path, because I can feel the fears and doubts creeping up from all sides attempting to knock the lantern from my hands. And just past all of them is that place of purity I found once. And maybe it will rain for awhile, but in the end the skies always clear, and the rain will have washed away the doubts and fears.
Then, from that place of clarity, of light, we can discover Love again. Not with each other, but with ourselves. And when you can love yourself fully, when you can fill your entirety with light and acceptance...no mold can grow there. And no clouds can block the Love we are.

Stepping One Foot At a Time,

Rodolfo

Epic Breathing - A Whole New Level of Inspiration

2010-04-23T00:43:00.000-07:00

I Accidently Broke My Finger at one Event, then Healed it 2 weeks later at the Next Event

If I had any reservations about the power of Qigong and Breath, they were completely dissolved by this experience. A few weeks ago, I broke my right index finger at the third metacarpal. It happened after a Qigong event in Charlotte, as we were taking down all the decorations and setup. We had made a large ball of electrical tape and were tossing it around like a football. Let me tell you, electrical tape is much heavier than a regular football.

Well, on a spectucular one handed catch, my finger jammed, and according to the medical physicians and x-rays, it caused a tendon to pull too tight resulting in the bone chipping. A bit painful, I will admit.

So, two weeks later, I was at another event, this time in Tucson (these Qigong events happen all around the continental USA), and on day three, Miracle Monday as we call it, I joined hands with the other 300+ attendees as we began our 9-breath Prayer circle, a sacred moment in each event where we send our thoughts and energy to our loved ones, the world, and to ourselves. We began to breathe...

And with each progressive set of 9-Breath Method (which you can learn in my Epic Breath Workshop) I felt myself getting more and more energized, clear, and then suddenly my perception of being a body, became a perception of being in my body. And the focus of that perception was on my right index finger, which at this point felt like it was on fire. I kept breathing....

When we completed all the 9-Breath sets, and we released hands, I slowly brought my hand up, removed the brace that I'd been wearing, and carefully started to bend my finger. Then curl it a little more, and a little more...until I'd moved it through it's full range of motion. The pain was gone!

I started opening and closing it rapidly...I had effectively reversed the tissue damage and trauma...my finger was free of pain!

The bone is still healing and setting itself (as follow-up x-rays revealed), and now the circulation and ability for my body to heal faster has been accelerated since my nervous system doesn't have the area on trauma lock down anymore. I'm still wearing a flexible brace just to be sure the bone sets correctly - but as far as my hands ability to function fully- It's an Instantaneous Healing!

After this miraculous event, I began incorporating the Epic Breath Techniques into the AlmaFlow Sessions I was giving clients, and found that the same healing power that had fixed my broken finger was accelerating the healing process for joint, bone, and tissue damage, as well as multiplying the effects of the normal AlmaFlow Session. And with each session, the energy got stronger!

What is still my nature at 30 Years old?

2010-02-16T13:02:00.000-08:00

So I've entered my 30's. I still enjoy oatmeal every morning with a sprinkling of goji berries. I still enjoy bringing my hands to heart center each morning to thank the Universe for another day. I still enjoy knowing I don't have a car, and that I get to enjoy the feeling of the wind when I use my bicycle to get around. I still enjoy sitting down and listening to a friend when they need to be heard. I still enjoy writing about my experiences and insights. I still enjoy reading about the experiences and insights of others.

What's new?

I'm really enjoying the soft cushy slippers I decided to spoil myself with while walking around inside the house. I'm enjoying my oatmeal even more each morning, because it's often made by the love in my life - Manuela, my girlfriend. I'm enjoying my long hair which is now growing back after I completely shaved it off two years ago (it's already back to my shoulders!). I'm enjoying the clarity I have about what it means to me to Give. And, I'm enjoying the clarity that is emerging about what it means to Recieve.

I spent the day yesterday, working at my favorite Thai Restaurant - Kafe Yen. I haven't worked in the food industry in over 15 years, and never really as a waiter - but there I was for the busy lunch hour bussing tables, taking orders, pouring water, and greeting customers. It was Great!

And occasionally, I would play with the notion of how I'd feel if I was there, actually employed, and doing the work because I was being paid. My enthusiasm waned, I started getting frustrated at the low tips people left, I felt entitled to more gratitude, and I watched the customers feeling entitled to better service.

Then I'd remember I was there by choice, not "work". That I was there to Give, not Get - and my smile returned, the customers left big tips, and the great food was enjoyed.

And the insights and joyful experiences of 30 years crystallized into one beautiful statement - I love giving before it can be taken.

If I'm "working" because of what I get in the end, then in reality I'm taking. If my clients are expecting a certain service based on what they've paid for, then they too are taking.

Thus, to Give Before it Can Be Taken means I consciously choose to give 110% of me in each situation, above and beyond the expectation of what others might be trying to take. For it can only be seen as "taking" if I'm not willing to give it. And it feels great to Give!

And it seems, by some natural law of equanimity, that when I give in this way - I am rewarded in double, triple, quadruple form. It may not come from the same place I've given to, it may not come at the same time...but inevitably even just the satisfaction and joy of giving has lifted my spirit up double it's original form.

So how do I get to Give freely without the constraining stress of survival?

I imagine there are many answers to this question. Some fall into the genre of shifting my thoughts to see and feel abundance at all times - that can work, but isn't the easiest when my reality may not be showing abundance, and I don't recommend inauthentic affirmations.

I can seek what is abundant in my life and focus on that, thus assisting in the shift in thought - but that may still leave the bills unpaid.

I can develop absolute trust that the Universe will take care of me if I surrender to the flow. I'll admit that does work. Yet, it can be tough when you sometimes don't realize when you are swimming against the flow.

My favorite method of finding how to Give freely without stress - discover what your passionate about, choose to be somewhere you can practice it, and allow the life circumstances to simplify around it.

For me this looks like:

* I am passionate about holding space to guide "escort" others toward the beauty within them.
* I choose to be in a place with abundant spirituality, community, and green vegetation.
* Rather than paying the price of first months rent and deposit, I make life simpler by using the same money to pay for a flight to Bali, and 2-3 months housing (in paradise).

My friends, I am living in Bali, thriving in Bali, and sharing love in Bali. Our passions are not things to fantasize about, they are things to reach out, run ahead, and grab. Ask yourself the question daily, "Am I living the life I've always wanted?" - and if the answer is no, then I softly suggest you consider that your life is your life...choose to live it fully in every moment; filled to the brim with inspiration.

Much love and gratitude to you all,

Rodolfo
Authenticity Muse & Holistic Escort
http://www.holisticescort.com/

Began 2009 as Darshana, Finished as Rodolfo, The Holistic Escort - Wanna find out what I realized?

2010-01-05T17:33:00.000-08:00

The Journey Home – A Final Note About 2009

I began 2009 as Darshana Atman, the silent nomad touring around the world, and I closed the year as Rodolfo Young – Holistic Escort. Now that is what I call a year of transformation!

I admit now, that my world trip, while on the surface was about learning from healers all around the world, was at it’s depth about rediscovering myself. And after 7 months of crossing borders, moving in and out of reflective silence, and meditating against the backdrop of every random space I could sit in, I found a piece of what I was looking for about myself in the strangest of places..Someone else’s eyes.

In these eyes I saw the part of me that was vulnerable, powerful, scared and yet inspired by the unknown within me. I saw the parts of me I was hiding, the parts I was masking, and the parts I was boasting. And I saw the parts of me that I rarely offer love to; the parts I thought were weak, insignificant, or taboo.

And what she offered me was her presence, her radiant presence, that seemed to say, “if you’ll meet me here, if you’ll stay present, I’ll feel your Love, and give you mine.”

And over the next 9 months, together with her, I began to really see myself – my strength, my doubts, my fears, my joys, and in all of it to observe with curiosity...to see where I became tense, and where I relaxed; where I hid feelings with humour, and where I hid humour with seriousness.

I returned to my birth name – Rodolfo. I shed the spiritual name of Darshana, allowing it only to remain as a memory of what is true at my core being, and what can be embodied at my human being.

I returned to San Diego, revisited some old roles, and quickly found they no longer fit...the trip, the relationship, and the time away had changed me...

My heart remained the same, my drive and purpose the same...what changed, was my focus and perspective about how I get to best share my gifts and expression.

I don’t want to try to figure out the business of taking my passions and making them my livelihood anymore. No, I’ve decided to let someone else do that for me. I’ll still do the work of course, but why not let someone else show me how to run the business.

So, I hired a Business Coach – Max Simon. And aside, from being a great friend, Max has now launched me toward a six-figure income. After my first retreat and with him, I was able to effectively raise over $10,000 in new business, find who my ideal clients are, understand what price would most benefit them, and create conscious magnetic marketing that inspires.
Enter – the Holistic Escort. Well, actually that title had already come to me during a meditation in Germany. The whole idea of “escorting” someone back to their wholeness and holding them in that light and brilliance truly inspires me and allows me to use all the skills and talents I’ve cultivated over the years. http://www.holisticescort.com/

Funny side note – during that same meditation, my ideal client was Scarlett Johansson, but I may have just been mixing up fantasies and visions. – doesn’t hurt to write it down into intention though.

And my most significant realization of 2009, and what I am committing to in 2010 - I realized that the part of me that loved to travel, that was ok living on a shoestring budget and having only a backpack to my name...was really just a small percentage compared to the part of me that yearns to have a home. I want and will have a home filled with love and warmth and inspiration.
The year has begun...and so have all the manifestations. I realize that we all get to travel along our own path. And from time to time we get to gather when our paths cross. I hope we get to continue crossing paths, for I know my life has been changed by your presence. Thank you for sharing 2009 with me... I invite you to join me in 2010 as well.

It’s GONNA BE A GREAT YEAR!

Much Love,

Rodolfo Young - The Holistic Escort

What's in store for 2010?

Holistic Escort and the AlmaFlow Experience
Entreprenuer Within Workshop (Feb 6th & 7th - only 25 spots left)